Treatment 10

I love the Lord, because He hath heard my voice and my supplications.  Psalm 166:1

All of this started last August and now has finished on August 31st.  What a year!  Without the Lord hearing my cries for help and the prayers and love of my family and friends, I never would have made this year.  Thank you again.

Treatment 9

Last night was so long!  I finally dropped off to sleep at 6 a.m. in my recliner.  I only nodded off for a few minutes; just long enough to get a sore neck.  I get a steroid with my infusion on Wednesday, and some weeks it really does a number on me.

I saw my oncologist yesterday and we agreed on a plan:  one more infusion next Wednesday and then a CT scan in November and visit with him.  I also have to have my port flushed in October (once a month).  He wrote orders so I can find an oncology office somewhere and have it done while we are in Colorado.

I am not feeling great, but was able to have a big sale shopping afternoon at Dillards with Dana yesterday.  Haven't been able to do that in a long time.

First day. First year. What a lonely road!!

Adrien Wolfgang

Treatment 8

8 treatments down and so far this one is going well.  We arrived at 7:20 yesterday to give blood and then finished with the treatment at 10:45.  It seems to get slower every week.  I didn't have to see the nurse or doctor yesterday so I expected to finish earlier, but ...

Marianne, my 6 year old granddaughter, spent the night last night. We sewed animal blankets and did pedicures.  I now have the nicest purple toes in town.

Lousy Day

Well, I am feeling the full effects of treatment 7 today.  On these days I can only hope that tomorrow will be better.  Today was graduation day for our new daughter-in-law, Katherine (delayed from May because of the tornado).  I feel badly that I was not able to attend the graduation ceremony and luncheon party afterward.  Some days I do fine and some days I cannot leave home.  This has been one of those days!


I am hoping that this evening will be better and I will be able to go to church tomorrow.  I do hate to miss my wonderful Sunday School class.  As always Gary is faithfully patient whatever each day brings.

Treatment 7

Yesterday was treatment 7 after a 2 week rest/recuperation time.  My blood work was improved but still in pretty poor shape.  I don't know how I have any energy after looking at the results.  But I am feeling fairly well.  I'll let you know in a couple of days how things are going.  Gary is having some work done on the jeep in the hopes that we can go to Colorado in September.  In the mean time he and the grandchildren are keeping the pool busy.

Anniversary

Today is our 42nd wedding anniversary!  Wow, that sounds like a long time.  Gary must be getting old.  But this last year has shown me that he still loves and cherishes me as much as 42 years ago.  No one could have taken better care of me than he has this last year (and a lot of it hasn't been pretty).  Gary, I love you very much.

Sorry, it has been so long since my last blog.  I have just been recuperating from the first round of treatments.  The last few days I have been feeling much better with more energy.  My enteric system still acts up at times, but I am managing.  Tomorrow starts my last round of chemo.  I dread starting up again but am anxious to get it finished.  We hope to take the motorhome on a trip when I finish. We love Colorado and Wyoming in the summer.



Treatment 6

This treatment was a bugger!  I had diarrhea twice during my treatment--just lovely. I spent half the time with my IV pole in the bathroom.  Then I had nausea in the evening to beat the band.  But I did manage to sleep it off and have felt better today.

Today was my big dentist appointment this morning.  It went well and I like my new dentist.  I did not like writing that big check though.

prepping for Disney World?



Closer

My prayer each day is to draw closer to my Master and in so doing I have been thinking about all the blessings of the last ten months.  Since being diagnosed in September and October with  two stage 4 and stage 3 cancers, there have been unnumbered trials and tribulations.  I've had six surgeries and been hospitalized five times.  I have had 28 radiation treatments and am currently taking my second round of chemo.

A year ago I would have thought all this was an insurmountable mountain of pain and suffering, but my Lord has brought me through it all and I can still smile.  There have been so many blessings along the way:  too many to even write them all down.  My family has shown me how much they love and cherish me in so many ways; even the little children have drawn me pictures and brought flowers.  My Sunday School class has been wonderful, and I love each of them. Every card and call that I've received has lifted me up above the pain and blessed me.

I had the blessing of having my whole family at Christmas and feeling like enjoying them.  I even had the joy of being present at the birth of grandchild number 7 in May.

Melanoma is so insidious that there is no way of knowing when it may recur, but I know now that with all of you and my Lord I can face even a painful death without fear.  Thank you again for being my faithful family and friends.

J. H. - 50 days and growing

Treatment 5

Well, I've had 3 dr appointments this week--way too many.  Monday I went to my "primary care physician" to refill my hypertension meds.  My blood pressure is all over the charts but generally in good shape.  Then we went on to my six-month followup with the radiation oncologist.  She was very pleased with the path report after my colon surgery and my progress in general.  I go back in another six months.  I love how all my doctors still converse with each other about my case.

Wednesday was treatment 5 and the medical oncologist.  My anemia is getting worse (seems like I give a pint of blood every Wednesday), and he insists that I need to take about 2 or 3 weeks off after my next treatment to let things "catch up".  I was hoping to go straight through with the 12 treatments and get them over with, but ...

The treatment went well.  I left off the steroid; so I slept better Wednesday night.  Still no nausea but the fatigue is definitely getting worse.

Any wet spot will do in Texas

Sebastian and Juliette



Treatment 4

Still counting down the treatments!  Now only 8 more to go!  Things are still going well.  Wonder if I'll sleep tonight?  So far the first couple of nights after a treatment are pretty sleepless.  But I get a good bit of reading and quilting done.

Next Monday I see my radiation oncologist for a follow up; then an appointment to see the medical oncologist before my Wednesday treatment.  Hope my blood work will still be good.

Dana calls this their 'retro baby'

John Harvey Taylor

4 weeks



Treatment 3

Made  my third treatment this morning starting at 7:15 and leaving at 10:15.  My blood counts are still good and I am still not having any terrible side effects.

Then this afternoon I went to a new dentist (referral by my oncologist) to take on some dental work that I have been delaying with everything else that is going on.  In July I'll have 2 crowns and an extraction.  Think I'll go for the nitrous oxide.

Sebastian Alexander - 11 months



Number Two

Today was treatment number two and so far everything is good.  I saw the Dr. (handsome and compassionate--what a combo) before the treatment and my anemia is improving also.  My port is great and got through everything with no pain.  That is such a winner in my book.

Unless I have problems tonight, we are going to head out to Arkansas in the morning for a short visit with Gary's mother and then on to Texas to see our three little babies.  But I will be back on Tuesday for a 7:00 a.m.  Wednesday treatment.

I feel so blessed that things are going so well.

One Down

So far so good.  It has been two days now since my first 5 FU treatment, and I still feel wonderful.  No side effects at all.  I am still holding my breath and praying hard.

We had a visit with the surgeon yesterday and had a few last stitches removed.  Everything looks good and I don't go back for four months.  I am off all restrictions, but I am still going to try to be careful about what I eat ( no fresh, raw, or leafy foods).  But I think it is about time for lobster again!

First Treatment

This morning was my first treatment of 5 FU and leucovorin with kitril and steroid.  My appointment was 7 a.m. and I thought it was for 30 minutes only.  But it ended up being almost 3 hours and will be almost that long every week.  So far I haven't had any side effects (8 p.m.).

More tomorrow. 

New Plan

On Thursday, we met with the medical oncologist and agreed with a plan for adjuvant therapy.  I will take IV injections of 5 FU weekly for around 6 months.  I start next Wednesday, June 15.  I must say that I dread this.  My new digestive system won't let me take anti-nausea medication so I am expecting the worst. 

Unbelievable

I haven't written much about the results of my neck resection.  They removed 67 lymph nodes and the surrounding tissue from the left side of my neck, around my left ear, and into my shoulder.  Five days after this surgery, I started chemo/radiation.  Therefore, I didn't have much time to deal with the after-effects of this surgery.  It was just on to something else horrible.

My ear was completely numb along with the surrounding area.  Now the "feeling" has come back completely.  One of the most disturbing things was that I couldn't lift my left arm at all.  It was very painful and impossible to raise above shoulder height.  I did try some exercises on it but was not very consistent with it because of all the other issues that were overwhelming me.

This week I realized that I was raising my arm!  It is completely restored and feels great!  Praise the Lord!  I felt very handicapped before and now it is great.
My neck still bothers me a good deal.  It is very sunken and gets stiff and tight.  Hope it will improve also.  God is good.

No Appointment

I was supposed to meet with the oncologist on Wednesday to decide on a plan of action for further treatment.  But somehow the appointment time was deleted or something and my appointment disappeared.  Now I'm scheduled (I hope) for June 9 for the same routine.

I am feeling very good these days, in spite of the heat wave.  My energy is improving and so is my appetite.  Life is good.

Lobster

Finally, that lobster I've been so hungry for.  I didn't find a restaurant; so we decided to cook our own.  We bought two beautiful tails and baked them to perfection.  It was wonderful and now we are planning a repeat performance.



Feeling Better

Each day this week I have felt a little stronger and better.  My plumbing seems to all be in good working order which surely makes me smile.  It has become so delicate that I worry about every little thing.  But the Lord makes me strong in my weakness.

Dana, our daughter, had a postpartum problem and had to spend a night in the hospital.  She is home now and we are all enjoying the baby.

This is our oldest Texas grandson; he's almost four.

Adrien Wolfgang Hodges

Followup

After posting yesterday, I had another attack--more pain, vomiting, and diarrhea.  It continued until midnight.  Misery!  But after midnight I was able to sleep and this morning I feel a little better.  I ate a piece of toast an hour ago and so far so good.  Hopefully today will be a better day.

On a brighter note, the baby is doing very well and settling into the family.

Setback

I had been feeling so good since the week after my last surgery, and I do appreciate every good day.  But this morning at 4:30 I woke up to terrible abdominal pain.  You know that means "blockage" to me.  After 3 hours of this pain, I did vomit twice and have diarrhea a few times.  I took a pill under my tongue that was prescribed for the first blockage and it helped ease the cramping.

It is 12:30 now and I just got out of the bed.  I am weak as a kitten and still feeling a little "funky" but not in pain.  I ate a small slice of watermelon last evening and that is getting the blame. 

Baby's Here

Our daughter, Dana, had her 4th child yesterday morning.  I was blessed to be in attendance.  It had been less than two weeks since my last surgery and I hadn't been sure if I could make it to the hospital or not.  But God is good and gracious and I was able to be there and feel good.

The baby is a boy, John Harvey, who weighed in at 10 lbs. 9 oz.  Yes, that's 10, 9; you read it right.  She had a natural birth and is doing well.  He doesn't even look like a newborn with all the fat wrinkles and pudgy limbs.  We had the privilege of bringing the other children to the hospital to see Mommy, Daddy, and baby, and that was a lot of fun.  They are fascinated and have so many questions.



Optical Illusion

Well, I didn't do a very good job of photo editing the picture in yesterday's blog.  There is no way my stomach is as big as it looks in that picture--it is bigger!  I hope not; surely it isn't that huge.  I know I don't look like a teenager anymore but gee I have lost 15 pounds since March 23.

At any rate, I'm proud that the scar is there and the stoma is gone.

Ileostomy Takedown

Well 5 days after surgery, and I am feeling better.  I didn't say good just better.  I slept good last night for the first time in months!  That was truly wonderful.  My appetite is a little better and hopefully tomorrow will be even better.

Still waiting for the baby.



Home Again

Well, the surgery was Thursday afternoon and I stayed in the hospital until Sunday.  I expected this surgery to not be as bad as the last, but it has been.  I am weak, nauseous, and generally lousy.  Maybe each day will be better.  I'm just tired of feeling so down. 

We are still waiting for the baby.  I'm hoping to feel like going to the hospital, so I'm trying to walk, etc. each day.  The no appetite is a drag also.

But everything is starting to get back to normal after the tornadoes.  There is still lots of damage, but power has been restored and everything is up and running.

Power, Sweet Power

Power--of the electrical sort--is wonderful.  We got our power on last night; Dana's came on early Tuesday, and Scott's last night.  So we are all picking tall cotton again.  There was no damage for family residences and we were so blessed.  The more we get out the more tragic damage we see.  It was been a terrible week, and we all have to thank God for his protection.

We had no power or water (we have to pump our water up the mountain), so on Friday we got in the motorhome and headed out looking for utilities.  We ended up driving about 4 hours into Mississippi.  Friday and Saturday were good, but Sunday morning I started having abdominal pains.  Around noon, we decided we needed to head back to Huntsville in case I kept getting worse.  And sure enough, I had at least a partial blockage again.  While Gary drove (too fast I'm sure), I moaned and groaned on the sofa.  I had terrible pains for almost the whole trip with vomiting.  But prayer pulled me through, and I was able to not have to go to the ER at least.  That is such a nightmare that I just didn't think I could stand it.  "I cried out for help, and He said 'Here I am'."  Isaiah 58

I am going to the surgeon's this afternoon so more tomorrow.

One Week Plus

The time is passing (slowly) until my ileostomy reversal surgery.  It is to be next week (the first week of May).  I have an appointment on Thursday for the surgeon to check to see if everything is healed and ready to go. 

It has been a long time since March 23 (surgery).  It has been five weeks that seems like five months, at least.  I will really be glad to have this part of my treatment completed.  Now it is just a race to see if I can squeeze this surgery in before Dana's baby is born.

Stoma

Stoma!!  Gee, I didn't even know what that was a few months ago.  As much as anything, I wanted to post these pictures as a reminder to myself.  In future months if things get rough, I want to be able to look back and say: "Well, at least I don't have that anymore."  You'll have to scroll a little to see the promised stoma picture.  You can left-click for a close-up view.

The yellow noodles around the stoma are the surgical stitches (that freaked me the first time I saw it).  Of course, I don't look very often.  Gary takes such good care of me.  He changes the bags about every 3 days and massages the skin that is under the adhesive disc of the bag (the second picture}.  That feels so good to have it washed and rubbed for a few minutes. 

The quarter isn't adhered to my abdomen; it was placed there by the scientist in the family to show scale.  You can also see a couple of the laparoscopic incisions.

I have felt a little better yesterday and today.  Thank you, Jesus.  Two weeks or less now until I get reconnected.  Love you all.

Struggling

It has been 28 days since my surgery, but it feels like 280.  About 14 more to go, and I am struggling through each one.  This is the hardest thing I've had to do, and I need your prayers to get me over the hump here.  I just feel defeated and overwhelmed with "all the things I need to do" to keep things running to avoid another blockage. I feel so poorly I can't seem to have the heart or stamina to follow through.

Gary is being a rock in all this.  I know it is terribly hard for him to have to watch me moan and groan and not be able to make things any better.  Please pray for strength and endurance for him also.

Your support has made all the difference to me to making it as far as I have. 

P.S.  Tomorrow I'm posting a picture of the stoma.  So any weak stomachs need to skip tomorrow's posting.

Crisis

Unfortunately, I have spent the last 4 days at Huntsville Hospital.  Thursday I got a blockage of the small intestine with my ileostomy!  I have never been so sick in my life and sure hope to not go there again.  We were in the ER Thursday night--what a trip that was.

But the blockage did resolve itself with tons of IV fluids, etc.  I still don't feel good but back home (Sunday) and trying to make it to my surgery date the first week of May.

Gary took such good care of me during this crisis, again.  I can't say enough about how loved and valuable he makes me feel.  Dana and Scott helped so much by staying with me and letting him go home for a snooze.  The Taylor grandchildren came to see me yesterday afternoon, and they were such a breath of fresh air.

The Lord is my Shepherd and holds my hand through all these nightmares.

New Week

After my post on Sunday morning, I began to feel some better.  The heavy burden of despair was lifted and I am doing better.  Thank you all for your prayers.

I am still fatigued but the nausea is better and I have been able to sleep a little longer at the time.  I think that I am eating a little more also.

Tomorrow we have an appointment with my medical oncologist to discuss treatment options after the next surgery.  Pray that we can learn everything we need to and make the right decisions.

Give us your best smile...

Prayer Summons

On this Sunday morning, I am coveting everyone's prayers.  In the almost 3 weeks since my surgery, I feel like I have been slipping instead of gaining strength.  I feel miserable most all the time and am losing my will to fight.

Please pray for God's strength to hold me up and boost my spirits.  In 3 weeks +, I will have another surgery to reverse the ostomy and I don't want to be so weak and miserable when I go back into the hospital.

But I know that all things are possible through Christ who strengthens me.  You are all so precious to me, and I have no words to express how much I depend on you all and your prayers.

Never More Than We Can Bear

I  am so glad that the Lord promises to not give us more than we can bear, and that He knows I can't handle this ostomy for very long.  I admire people who can live with one for years but this six weeks is pushing me to the limit.

I did make it to the surgeon's yesterday and got a good report.  I go back on April 28 for a scope and then a few days later for a dye test and then surgery if everything is good.  So the first week in May should be the end of this.  He said 2 days in the hospital (which I'm taking as 1 night) for the reversal surgery.  I was hoping it would be a light anesthesic but no.  It seems like it took me a very long time to wake up after the last one, but it was a much longer surgery.

Besides the nausea, fatigue, and poor appetite, I have the problem of finding something to wear with this ostomy.  I am still in pajamas at home, but going out is a problem.  I wore a pair of Dana's maternity pants to my appointment yesterday, but even they pinched and squeezed the bag and drove me crazy.  I did manage to slink into Dillards and buy a patio dress.  It feels great (doesn't touch me anywhere) but the question is will I have the nerve to wear it away from home.  I'm not sure; I feel like a clown in it!

Sebastian, Cathy, Juliette, Wolfgang, Greg



Bumping 150 years of Wedded Bliss



I love these photos.  Relatives who are also good friends.  We have lots of experiences between us and conversation and laughs never slow down.  I think we were the most "fun" table at the reception.

The group shot is Gary and me on the left, then my brother and sister-in-law, and my cousin and her husband.  The second photo is Gary's brother and sister-in-law (who was taking the pictures).

Lobster

Since my surgery, I haven't been sleeping very well.  I get up 2-3 times a night to "take care of the ostomy" and sometimes have a hard time getting back to a sound sleep.  So I have had plenty of dreams lately.

A few days ago I dreamed about big, whole, luscious lobster--one of the many things I love about Maine.  Gary isn't all that enthused with lobster; he prefers Maine shrimp (which is delicious too).  But seafood is on the "no-no" list with the ostomy.  So that means 4 more weeks of denial, but then live lobsters of the world watch out.

I have been more fatigued during this recovery.  I thought I would have rebounded more by this time.  My appetite is very low, but I am trying to eat all I can and regain my strength.  I don't like sitting around all day drinking tons of water in my pjs doing nothing.  Although, I do have some pretty comfortable pjs.  Thanks to my brother-in-law Wade Hodges for the picture.



Gary

I haven't said enough in my posts about my wonderful husband.  He has been the greatest throughout my ordeal and deserves a public pat-on-the-back.

We have been married for 41 years, and I can tell he still loves me deeply by the look on this face when I'm in pain.  This has been terribly hard on him, and he doesn't even get much sympathy.

He has driven me to more appointments, treatments, surgeries, etc. than anyone should have to suffer through.  But he never complains and encourages me along the way.  He waits on me hand and foot, and brings "one more glass of water" with a smile (even though he just sat down).  He is even teaching himself to cook and has mastered the dishwasher and washing machine!  I love him very much and depend on his strong shoulders to lean on.

But all jesting aside, my family and friends have been so important to me especially in this illness.  They are truly God's blessing to me.  I love you all very much!

April 7

April 7 is my follow up appointment with the surgeon.  Hopefully, he will think I am doing as well as I think I am.  My energy is taking longer to rebound than I had hoped, but I am trying to be patient.  I have lost a lot of strength since last summer that probably is just gone.

I am trying to learn to deal with this ostomy, but I really hate it.  This six weeks until reversal is going to be loooong.

On Saturday morning, the wedding day, we hosted a brunch for out-of-town relatives that came for the wedding (plus Dana, Nick and kids).  We had 20 and a great time.  The ladies table is set with my grandmother's depression glass dishes and my mother's porcelain roses.  The men's table was located close to the food, and the children's table was on the terrace (where crumbs don't matter).  Gary's nephew's wife, Linda, graciously sat with the children.



Birthdays

Birthdays have taken on a whole new meaning.  There is a new ACS commercial that sings Happy Birthday and expresses the sentiment "more birthdays less cancer".  That brings tears to my eyes.

Consequently, Gary and I have decided to celebrate every birthday as if it were the last...   Some big trip or activity that is on our "bucket list'.  Everyone should cherish their birthdays instead of dreading them.  Embrace and celebrate!

Pictures are at the rehearsal.The first is me and our Texas son, Greg.  The last is Maudie Hodges, my mother-in-law from Arkansas, and Jimmie Hodges, my sister-in-law from Indiana.

Amen and Amen

A dear, long-time friend sent me a one line email yesterday that spoke volumes to me.  It read:  "Thank you, Jesus".  That was it.  Nothing else because there is nothing else that needs to be said.  Thank you, Jesus, for helping me through this surgery, for the good results, and the rapid recovery!  (and thank you, JK)

I am still feeling a little better each day and learning to deal with the ostomy.

I am finally including some wedding pictures that Dana took at the rehearsal.  It was a beautiful, spring day at a lovely park on the Tennessee River.  The first picture is the groomsmen idea of adding to the "rainbow" theme for the wedding.  The second picture is the bride's reaction!  The last one is at the rehearsal dinner. Bless her heart, she still married him.  You just have to love this girl.





Freedom Papers

Last night (Saturday) at 6:15, I flew the coop and came home.  Hallelujah!  This house never looked so good.  After waiting for this and then that, we finally got to sign the final release forms.  I can't believe it takes so much paper to accomplish everything.  My brother and I inherited a pine plantation in Arkansas.  We have always harvested saw logs but maybe we should switch to pulp wood!

I had a good night's sleep and am doing so much better this morning.  This surgery has been rough, I have to admit.  Harder than I prepared for.  My abdomen still feels like a boxing match took place inside it (and at times is still going on).  My intestines are still waking up from the anesthesia and clamp down on me just to remind me I have done bad things to them.  An occasional cough sends me grabbing for my pillow, but all in all things are looking up.  I had a good path report that I'll go into tomorrow--have to keep you coming back.

If anyone ever sends me any wedding pics, I will post them.

Tomorrow's the Day

Well, the wedding is history, and it was wonderful.  Bride and groom both showed up for the ceremony on a beautiful spring day, and it was very moving.  I cried!  Tears of happiness and joy for them and for me that God was gracious and allowed me to be there.  The whole weekend was exciting and busy.  We really enjoyed seeing our families from Florida, Louisiana, Indiana, Arkansas, and Illinois.  The rehearsal dinner went off without a hitch (except for the groomsman and wife who were left at the hotel--thank goodness for taxis).  I told Dana that the decorations looked very nice to have been done by a very pregnant lady and a cancer patient.  I had brunch on Saturday for 20 family members which was a little stretch but well worth it and lots of fun.  I want you to know I even danced the twist at the reception!

This sounds like the Old Testatment, but today is preparation day.  I'm sure most of you know what I mean--no food day!  I just had a nice, warm bowl of broth for breakfast and now feel like going back to bed.  I had a little stomach bug on Sunday and haven't eaten much since Saturday so my stomach is already pretty empty.

We are to be at Huntsville Hospital surgery check-in at 5:30 a.m. tomorrow to start the fun.  I wonder how many times I'll have to spout off my birthday.  1948 really sounds like eons ago.  I have threatened to have it tattooed to my forehead, but that was before I learned how much tattoos hurt.

I have had lots of unreasonable anxiety about this surgery, but then the Lord reminds me that He will never leave me or forsake me and I am at peace again.  And I can already feel the many prayers that have been made for me.

Hope to be able to write to you from the hospital (I'll be there 5 nights).

Showers of Blessings

It is so exciting to experience all the blessings I have received since getting my shocking diagnosis.  I think that only when the sky is the darkest can we appreciate all the wonderful people God sends into our lives. 

I already knew that my Sunday School class was the most wonderful group of ladies anywhere.  But I have grown to love and appreciate them even more in this difficult time.  God has given me the most caring, loving friends in them.  I could never ask for anything more.  They have been so faithful to pray for me and never fail to lift my spirits. 

Countdown to the Wedding

Last Monday before the wedding on Saturday!  Wow, everything is moving so fast that I'm not sure I'm prepared.  In fact, I am pretty sure that I am forgetting something important.  Oh well, maybe everyone will be forgiving.

We are really looking forward to our out-of-town guests and getting to visit with them.  It is a long trip for them and we really appreciate the effort. 

I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon, and we need to pay some bills and sort insurance "stuff" then I'm putting next week out of my mind. 

HAPPY WEDDING WEEK

Moses

Did I catch your attention with the title of this post?  More about it later.

I have thoroughly enjoyed the last few weeks!  I have felt good and the weather has been warm and occasionally sunny.  But in the back of my mind is always the nagging awareness of upcoming surgery and more months of chemo.  I have been more apprehensive about this colon surgery than the other four surgeries.  Maybe I just know too many details about it!  I have especially been worried about finding that the tumor has gone through the wall and into my abdomen.  The other primary worry has been having a problem that would necessitate a permanent colostomy.

But at our lowest points, God has a wonderful way of reminding us of what we already know but sometimes lose sight of!  I've been using "Open Windows" to read through the Bible this year.  I have to admit that I tended to get bogged down in some of Moses writings but Deuteronomy have been a joy and comfort.

"Observe the commands of the Lord your God, walking in His ways and revering Him.  For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land... Deut. 8:6-7a

God is good all the time.

March 23

Three weeks and 4 days until my next surgery.  We met with the colorectal surgeon on Thursday and did a scope in this office.  He was very pleased with the results of the radiation/chemo treatments of the last two months.  The tumor (we could see it on the screen, gross) is much smaller and less virulent looking.

I had been afraid that he would find that the treatments had done little good, but that wasn't the case and I feel better about it.  I will need to spend 5 days in the hospital and have a temporary ostomy (yuck).  After hearing the description of the surgery, I think I'll just turn my morphine pump up and sleep for those 5 days!

I am feeling terrific and plan to enjoy every day for the next three weeks.

Wolfgang -chef



Speaking To My Heart

The next week could be difficult for me.  I am just "treading water" waiting for my appointment on Thursday to find out the results of the last two months of radiation and chemo. 

But as always, God is good, and really blessed me with a reading from Open Windows this morning.  It is a prayer that so beautifully and eloquently states how I feel:

"Father, if my cup seems too bitter, help me to remember that it is Your wounded hand that is holding the cup.  Then no cup is too bitter, no water too deep, no burden too heavy but that I am willing to say, 'Thy will be done.'"

In His promises I rest.

I'M BACK

After a two week respite, I am feeling much better and ready to "blog" again!  I've spent these two weeks resting, walking, and gaining strength.  I must be feeling better because I actually tackled some dusting this morning.  You have to understand that I HATE to dust, but my bedroom furniture was way past the "writing your name" stage.  Don't get me wrong, I didn't do the whole house, but hey, every little bit counts.  And I even turned on the robot to clean the kitchen and dining room floors.  Now that is energy!

Now after a 30 minute walk around the pool, down the porch, along the driveway, I'm ready to sit down.  Since I haven't been adding poison to my system, I've had a chance to evaluate the effects of my surgeries.  My mouth looks better than it feels!  After 4 months, the swelling has just about gone down inside my mouth.  But the nerve damage causes a constant tingling.  But I can eat, drink (with a straw), and talk!

The modified radical dissection has gone remarkably well.  The two long incisions are not very noticeable and I have had no problems with edema.  In fact, no swelling at all.  The surgeon insisted that I keep the drain tube in my neck for 15 days and evidently that was sufficient to drain everything and nothing else has collected.  All that is the good part; on the other hand my left arm, shoulder, and chest are still quite painful and just weird.  I am exercising my arm and think it is making progress.  My left ear is still partially numb and the rest is just sore.  My shaved hair is SLOWLY growing back, but it would still be a good basis for a Mohawk.

Next Thursday, the 24th, I have an appointment with the colon surgeon.  I will get the results on the effects of my treatments and set a surgery date.  Oh well, back to the real world.

Each Day

Each day I am feeling a little better!  Yeah!  Can't wait until it is something like normal.  But I am grateful for each day and enjoying every minute of "not having to go for a treatment".

Things are moving right along with the wedding planning.  Kathryn has everything under control and I can't wait until March.

I am taking it easy and may not blog for a while.  I don't know about anyone else but I am looking for some warm weather--enough of this winter!

Juliette Arwen



Knowing Where You Are Going

This morning in my Sunday School class, a member's mother was mentioned.  She recently died at age 98!  The comment was made that she was a strong Christian and "she always knew where she was going when she died".

I have been thinking about that and what a strong statement about a life.  I sincerely hope that the same will be said about me whether I die this year at 62 or live to 92.  I do know where I am going and that I won't be going alone.

Done, Done, Done

Well, I should qualify that; I'm done with the first phase of treatment!  I have a few weeks off and then surgery sometime in March.

Of course, the last day didn't get away without some drama.  The medical chemotherapy appointments are always a challenge to get through without raising my blood pressure.  After 7 weeks, I thought I had the pattern down.  But yesterday the check-in clerks wouldn't let me go to the treatment room that I had previously been using to get the pump removed.  They couldn't understand what I was telling them I wanted to do (ever feel like you are on an alien planet and no one speaks your language?).  They insisted that I go to 'short term treatment' in another part of the building!  After finding the rooms, I had to explain AGAIN what I wanted.  Just take the pump off so I can go to the lab so they can get their pint of blood without having to be "stuck" again.

The nurse was very nice and actually listened when I told her that I thought the needle had come out of the port.  Sure enough, it had come out and was just under the skin making everything sore and swollen.  So I had to get "stuck" twice more after all.  Some days you just can't win.

But radiation went well and we told everyone goodbye and made our escape!

Revived Spirit

For a Believer, going to the Lord's House is a fresh breath of life after a long dry spell.  I was able to go to my Sunday School class for the first time in forever and it totally revived my spirit.  I thank God for wonderful Christian friends who love and care about me.

Only two more treatments!  I am feeling fairly well and warned every one at radiation yesterday that I may break into the "Hallelujah Chorus" after the last treatment.  That wouldn't be so bad if I could sing!

Marianne closely checked my neck on Saturday and declared that all the stitches are gone and the little holes are getting smaller.  Then Warren Finch chimed in with, "and when you 'lose' your tube next week we can spend the night with you again."

I'll see the surgeon in about 4 weeks, but until then I'm looking forward to some "time off".

Sebastian - 6 mo.

Last Friday for Radiation

Well, fatigue hit me like a ton of bricks this morning!  We had planned to drive over to Decatur this morning and check out restaurants for the "rehearsal dinner" for the wedding, but no way now.  So Scott and Kathryn said they would do the checking and choosing.  Thank you, guys.  They are the ones that need to be pleased anyway.

Luckily, the mother of the groom really gets a pass on the wedding planning, which is wonderful in my situation.  I have bought a dress so I'm done!  I used to think you had to look at every dress in three or four towns before choosing.  This time I bought the first one I tried on.  Forget all that stuff about style...  This dresss met my current set of criteria:  covered me, acceptable color, no alterations--SOLD.

Our little granddaughter Marianne (age 5) came over and visited yesterday and went to radiation with us.  While I was in treatment, she and PapaDaddy sat in the waiting room, and she played with her "my little ponies" until she discovered the train table in the corner of the room.  She had such a good time playing she wanted to know if we could come back sometime "just to play".  Of course, anyone who knows Marianne knows that she didn't really play with the trains.  She removed all the tracks and trains from the landscape board and built a bucolic forest with boats on the river and bridges.



One More Week

Jesus is faithful to hold us up at our weakest.  With His help and the prayers of all  of you, I was able to get my last refill on the chemo pump yesterday.  Earlier, I just didn't think I could stand any more.  But here I am...

I have 5 more radiation treatments, ending on January 26, and so far so good with them.  About 3 weeks after that I will meet with the surgeon, have a scope, and set a surgery date.  It will probably be the later part of March.  I am really looking forward to having a few weeks without any treatments or surgeries.  It has been so fast and furious since September.

Dana and I both have our "wedding dresses" so we are set to have a great time at Kathryn and Scott's wedding on March 19.

Prayer Request

Seven more treatments (9 days total for chemo) and I don't know if I can stand this 5-FU that long.  Tomorrow afternoon I have an appointment with my medical oncologist and I am so tempted to tell him "enough is enough--take this needle out".  Last night I was so sick that I was ready to quit!

Please pray for the strength to continue on.

House on Fire

Well, the clinical fatigue has set in.  I feel like if the house were on fire I wouldn't be able to get out of my chair and walk a few steps to the door.  So I'm watching out for people with matches!

The meals from the Supper Sisters are going to be lifesavers for the next few weeks I can already tell.  I don't even feel like walking into the kitchen much less cooking and Gary's culinary talents are quite limited.  Scott is working full time, taking two graduate classes, and planning a wedding, so I can't expect too much from him.  They are so good to help all they can and I appreciate them so much, but cooking is not their long suit, so thank you ladies.

Friday was my 20th radiation treatment.  It sure seems to be taking a long time to get to 28.

Small Blessings

Having grown up in a Southern Baptist church, I know about the love and caring members have for each other and others.  Many times I have participated in ministering to someone through what I considered to be a small way: preparing food.

But the Lord is teaching me so many things that I needed to know through this ordeal.  I have learned that God doesn't send any "small blessings".  They are always precious and just what is needed by His child at that moment.

Today, while waiting for my dreaded chemo treatment, a kind lady from Mt. Zion called volunteering to coordinate meals for us during this difficult time.  That touched my heart as only Jesus can and reminded me again that I wasn't alone in this struggle.

Scene from front porch

8 inches on diving board

Work-horse in snowy weather



Eleven and Counting Down

Sorry I haven't written for a while, but the last two weeks have been tough.  I haven't felt much like composing and certainly haven't felt very witty.  But I decided that if I'm going to chronicle this time that I need to write about the dark days too.

I had my 17th radiation treatment on Tuesday.  I had to trek through the snow and ride in the Jeep Wrangler, but we made it to the center.  Eleven more and I'm done!  This has been much harder than I anticipated.  Between the fatigue, nausea, and bitter cold, I feel like a limp dish-rag.  I am also having continuous infusion 5-FU (5-fluoro-uracil, Gary says) which really stinks.  I see the chemo doctor today and get my weekly blood test (7 tubes) and refill of my pump, including a new needle in my port.  Needless to say, that isn't my favorite day of the week.  I have not been able to tolerate any of the nausea medications (remember I ended up in the hospital after the first one), so I just feel lousy.

As so many before me, my soul cries out: "Lord, have mercy on me".



Wedding Bells in the Air

Some said this day would never come, but a mother knows...

Over the last decade, we have been multiplying our nuclear family in wonderful ways.  2011 is going to be no exception.  We already knew we were adding a new Taylor grandbaby in May and now I can announce we are also adding a new daughter!

Our son Scott and our lovely new daughter Kathryn have set a date!  March 19,2010

I've got to get rid of these tubes so I can start shopping!