Chemo/Radiation

I started back on radiation on December 27 after missing 3 days for the holidays and hospital visit.  Then on December 29 I got a new round of the continuous infusion chemo.  Yuck.  The radiation I can tolerate, but this chemo pump makes me so sick.  I have not had the stamina or desire to even type for the last three days.  I really hate being sick.

This "treatment" lasts for 26 more days.  I will have 17 more radiation treatments (28 total) and then a month to recover and then surgery.

I've been very surprised that the chemo is affecting me so severely so quickly.  I had been led to believe that most people don't have a strong reaction to 5-FU at least early on.  I've never been sensitive to drugs and so I didn't expect to be one of the lucky ones with lots of side effects, but ...  After the disastrous IV push in my port of Aloxi (anti-nausea), 10 days ago, I am reading more about any drugs that are suggested.  So far, I haven't gotten the nerve to take anything else.

All I really want to do is grab the battery out of this pump and throw it as far as I can.  Please pray that I can make it for 26 more days (without pulling out my hair or the pump battery).



White Christmas

2010 was truly a landmark Christmas for our family.  You know, one of those years you use to reference other years. 

"Like, you remember 2010?  That was the year of the surprise snowfall on Christmas morning that was perfect for adults and children; the year Greg and Cathy flew in from Dallas with 3 small babies; the year Scott and Kathryn got engaged; the year Grandmother made it home from the hospital just before Christmas eve and felt good the whole holiday; and PapaDaddy put a new wedding ring under the tree for her?"

Happy New Year, everyone!



New Praises

Yesterday morning in the hospital, I was told that nothing else much could be done for my condition and to just expect to be pretty sick at least a few more weeks!  I felt so miserable that this was pretty hard to take, but we planned for a Christmas in bed and make the best of it.

But God still hears prayers and about 1:00 yesterday I started feeling better.  Last night I woke up and realized: hey, I feel pretty darn good.  This morning I have energy, pep, and pizzaz.  Bring on Christmas!  The Texas Hodges are arriving from Dallas today for 5 days and we will have a wonderful, wild time with 6 children 7 and under.

I realize that this is a long, dark journey, but for this Christmas Eve, I am Praising God and feeling good.

Home for Christmas

Those words never sounded better than this year.  I was afraid that I might be at Huntsville Hospital for Christmas, and as nice as those people are, they don't compare to my children and grandchildren.

I had a little detour this week.  Since Saturday, I have been having severe abdominal cramping.  On Tuesday, I stayed in bed but  forced myself up to go to my 3:00 radiation treatment.  I made the treatment but fainted twice in the bathroom immediately after.  Fortunately, I had motioned for Gary to come with me because the pain was increasing.  He saved me from hitting the tile floor, but it did nothing for his nerves. We had called the medical oncologist's office on the drive over requesting (actually demanding) treatment.  So when Gary got me out to the waiting room (still in my gowns), two nurses were waiting to help.  After fainting again from pain and my vitals bottoming, the Dr. decided to send me to the ER.

That was my first trip in an ambulance (and it must have been the driver's also)!  It took forever to get from CCI to HH.  After only an hour, I got a big shot of narcotics in my port and I was happy.  We stayed in ER until midnight and then moved to 4East.  I had a CT scan yesterday (yes, I drank the "stuff") and everything was ok.  Of course, as my mother used to say as she aged, "ok" isn't what it used to be.

I love my port.  Thank you Dr. H.  I did not get a single needle puncture in the hospital!  A Miracle!

Gary, Dana, Scott, Kathryn were wonderful to care for me.  Thanks, Nick, for caring for the kids and allowing Dana to help me.  The staff at the hospital was wonderful.  Thank you again for all your prayers; it means so much to me to know my name is being lifted to the Lord.

Angel-nurse JoAnn H.

Blah

I have always been an active person and "blah" is not the way I like to feel.  This weekend has definitely been on the bad side of blah.  The chemo anti-nausea drug gave me constipation and the radiation has started diarrhea.  (And believe me you can have both.)  Gee, what a great Christmas present!  I have been so blessed with good health that it is hard learning to deal with all this.  I have treatments every afternoon, so this may get interesting.  I am learning to be more alert before taking a new drug "just because".

Hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas week.  I am especially praying for two friends who lost a mother and a husband this year.  God Bless and keep you.



Wings Clipped Again

Yesterday was a trying day.  Ice and sleet were forecast, and we were uncertain about being able to make it to my appointments.  But a breezy ride in the Wrangler (4WD) proved that the only slick spots were on our driveway!  Huntsville dodged another winter weather incident.

After #3 radiation treatment, I had a 1:00 appointment with my medical oncologist, Dr. M, at CCI also.  I hadn't seen him in a while and didn't know what to expect from this visit (which always makes me uneasy).

Well, sure enough, he was ready to start the chemotherapy.  He is such a nice man, and we had a long conference about this treatment and the future.  I have been so blessed with compassionate, caring physicians and nurses.

Two hours later I was all equipped with a continuous infusion pump attached to the port in my left shoulder about an inch from the former drain tube site.  I had been so elated to lose the drain tube, that I sure did hate to get another tube so soon.

With the Lord's help, I'm trying to survive this one day at a time, because six weeks of carrying around this pump and getting stuck twice a week chills my blood.  But we know that God is faithful to meet our needs!

I'm including a photo of my chic new wardrobe!



2 Down, 26 To Go

Finished 2 radiation treatments and weather permitting I'll get #3 done today.  That means I'll finish all 28 by late January.  That sounds like a long, long time.

But it isn't so bad.  I get to wear these two stylish, chic gowns (one opening in the front and one in the back) and sit in the waiting room with similarly clad companions.  Then the real fun begins--trying to climb on the scan table on my hands and knees in these gowns and then position my stomach over the shield opening!  I don't know how the technicians keep from dying laughing at my antics.  The only thing better is my dismount performance.  But the staff is great and, hey, I don't get bored because I have somewhere to go every day.

Juliette Arwen and Greg



Tubeless and Free As A Bird

Yeah, the tube is gone!!!  We traveled to Nashville and Vanderbilt Clinic this afternoon.  Dr. K pronounced me fit, fine, and dismissed and most importantly removed the neck drain tube.  When he pulled the tube out I saw that it had been about 15" of big tubing in my neck--yuck.  But the procedure didn't hurt (another good thing about cutting nerves), and now I am reveling in the freedom of not having a big bulb pinned to my shirt!

I plan to enjoy this freedom to the max because, it won't be long before I am fitted with a chemo infusion pump draining into the port in my left shoulder.  Oh, well, freedom is great as long as it lasts.

Thanks, Gary, for driving me to Nashville, again, and buying me a great dinner on the way home.

Nick,Warren Finch,Dana,Wilson James,Marianne Caroline,Mo-mo



God is Good, All the Time

We are praising God all day for a good pathology report on the neck dissection.  Good report is not a good way to describe it--great is a better way.  67 nodes were tested and all were clean.  No evidence of melanoma was found!!!  This is a wonderful answer to prayer.  For this round at least, this is a cure.

  I want to thank everyone so much for all their prayers.  He is so faithful to be with me everyday.

I had my first radiation treatment today and everything went well.  Now only 27 more and I will add the chemo on Wednesday.  So don't stop praying!

15 Years

My daddy had a massive stroke on December 12, 1995, 15 years ago today.  He died on July 30, 1996, after seven months of being completely paralyzed on a feeding tube.  I always think of this as the day my daddy really died and hope that he didn't suffer all the remaining days until he went to be with his Lord.

I loved my daddy to pieces all my life and he was the best man God ever made.  Everyone who knew him loved him (and he knew a lot of people).  He was 85 when he died and was the finest of southern gentlemen.  I miss you Daddy.

This week has been more difficult--more pain and discomfort.  This morning while thumbing through my mother's Bible (that I like to use now), I found a scrap of paper that I had never noticed before.  It is in her beautiful handwriting, and I was blessed by a quotation she must have written down and left in her Bible.

"I am humbled by His tender care and personal involvement in my life.
I cherish the day I placed my hand in His.
My journey has given me a priceless glimpse of His Heart."

Thank you, Mama, you always knew just what I needed.

Surgery Progress

I thought it was time to post a progress report (uh-oh, that sounds like an old school teacher) since my surgery last week.  It has been 8 days since I had a modified radical neck lymph node dissection and my stitches are beginning to disappear.

I only spent one night in the hospital and thanks to my care partner husband I have been doing very well.  I haven't had to take any pain medicine which is mostly due to the fact that the nerves were cut or injured in my neck (a fact of which I am very happy, at this time anyway).  The places that do have "feeling" are reminding me that I had a 5 hour surgery!  My left shoulder, arm, and back are quite painful but bearable.  My cheek, ear, and mouth just have different levels of weirdness!  But I can eat, talk, and drive short distances, so all is well.

My hair took a beating during the surgery.  I went in with fairly nice hair and came out with something that looks like a bad wig!  So I now have a short (feels great) cut.

I still have my lovely drain tube for another 5 days.  But, except for not being able to take long, hot showers, even it hasn't been too bad.  So now I just take long, hot baths in my wonderful clawfoot soaking tub.

Oh, Gary says he may have to look for a chat room for care-givers that teaches him what, when, and how to say anything.  Mainly to figure out how much trouble his next comment is going to arouse!

Tattoos

I can't say that I've ever been a fan of tattoos.  Now that I have three, I am even less of one.  While having my radiation simulation on Monday, the technician kept referring to finishing up with the "tattoos".

While laying on my stomach on that comfortable CT scan table, trying not to completely squish my drain tube or permanantly crimp my chin, I'm thinking tattoos equals stickers.  Wrong!

Man, I can't imagine why anyone would choose to do this tattoo business voluntarily!  Oh, and by the way, don't be looking for any photos of these tattoos on the blog!!!  I'm only willing to share so much.

"Just When I Need Him"

For those of you who don't know, my brother and I grew up in the most wonderful Christian family.  Our parents, who had graduated from high school during the depression and served in World War II, were older than the norm.  I think these experiences made them wise, loving, Christ-like examples for us.  They loved their church and we participated in every service.

My favorite part of worship was singing hymns.  In the recent decades when the "old hymns" have been replaced by contemporary choruses, I have really missed the joy of singing them.  Somehow, holding a hymnal makes me feel like I am ready to really worship.  My memory fades on so many of the Scriptures I learned through the years, but just get me started and I can sing the entire Broadman Hymnal by memory!

Last Wednesday while sitting in the surgery waiting room at Vanderbilt Hospital I was becoming more anxious as the time passed.  Suddenly a hymn sprung from my heart "Just When I Need Him Most, Jesus is Near".  I haven't sung or thought those words in ages but my Savior knew just the way to comfort me and still my anxious heart.  So during the surgery pre-op and all the recovery, I have been praising him for reminding me:

"Just when I need Him, Jesus is near,
Just when I falter, just when I fear;
Ready to help me, ready to cheer,
Just when I need Him most.

Just when I need Him, he is my all,
Answering when upon Him I call;
Tenderly watching lest I should fall,
Just when I need Him most.

Home, Sweet, Home

What a blessing to be home again!  I made the trip in fine fashion.  Either Gary "flew" or I slept most of the way, because before I knew it we were back in Alabama.  We both slept about 14 straight hours and are refreshed this morning.  My wonderful husband is cooking breakfast for me!

I've had no pain medicine which is pretty amazing when you look at these long incisions.  I have one incision just under the left jawline from midline to behind the ear.  Also another incision at the base of the neck the same length.  The worst seems to be this awful drain tube, but only 2 weeks of it.

As always, Jesus held my hand through the entire ordeal.  I was not anxious or afraid.  The hospital staff were all very helpful and kind.  Everything was as pleasant as possible including getting the last private room Wednesday night.

We came, we conquered, we returned!

What an eventful 24 hours.  Left Huntsville at 6:20 and  arrived at Vanderbilt at 8:45 Wednesday and will be leaving sometime this afternoon.  Everything went well and I am feeling pretty good.  I still have IV's in both hands so I'm not going to write much this morning, but will send more details Friday.