Last evening, October 21, 2010, the final blow fell. Now is my time to walk the dark valley, but Praise the Lord I don't have to walk it alone. I know that Jesus will be with me every step of the way. This week I was reading in John of Mary's experience looking for Jesus's body in the Garden. Before she recognized Jesus, he called her name! That spoke volumes to me as I felt Him calling my name and knew that He was calling me to come Home. How my heart leaped with joy to leave the pain and sorrow of this world and to be with my Savior forever.
But first I must grieve a while for the ones I am leaving behind. What a true joy at the end on one's life to feel genuine love from my family and friends. The things we take for granted are precious in their finality. When Dr. H called this evening with the biopsy report of melanoma in the lymph node, our world crashed. The hardest thing I've had to do was tell my children that there is little else to be done. I am still just beginning to recover from the facial surgery of the 20th--two or three weeks until the stitches are removed from the flap on my mouth. In the meantime, I'm wearing an awful, tight bandage and eating broth from a straw and soup with a baby spoon! Some treatment will be required for the colon cancer to slow its progress, but just what is the easiest is yet to be decided.
We decided at the beginning of all this that when the treatments became futile we would stop them and enjoy our time instead of chasing down painful, useless roads. With few options ahead, I think we have just about reached that point.
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