Lucy Virginia

Last week I had the privilege and honor to see my seventh grandchild.  Little Lucy Virginia (you understand I'm using a grandmother's poetic license to choose gender and name) is beautiful!  She is 12 weeks gestation and 2 1/2 inches.



My wonderful daughter asked me to accompany her on her first dr. visit and be present for the first ultrasound.  It was very moving, and I deeply appreciate being asked to attend.

Trouble with graft

I have been feeling better and able to get out a little more, but yesterday afternoon while trying to brush some of my teeth with a baby toothbrush I saw that my lip skin graft was gray!  After an inward scream, I rushed downstairs with a flashlight to show Gary.  He called the plastic surgeon who blessedly called right back.

Evidently I had let it get too cold.  It looks better this morning after over-heating the house, keeping hot compresses on it, and head bandage in place.  So I'm back to square one with no talking, head bandage, over-heated rooms, and staying home for two more weeks.  very depressing.  I thought I had that battle won, but ...

But Praise the Lord I'm not alone in this battle.  My husband and children have been more than wonderful in taking care of me.  And I know the King is coming for me one day.

Laughing Cow or Mad Cow?

These days I'm not sure what's going on most of the time.

Laughs are much appreciated.

A big distraction has been watching the Rangers in the World Series with my son, Scott.  He spent 10 years in Dallas and has been with the Rangers through all the bad years before he learned how great it is in Alabama.    Hope the Rangers win out in 4 more games so he can quit wearing his Rangers t-shirt (or at least wash it).

GO RANGERS

Big Decisions

My "case" is being presented at the Tumor Board on Thursday for evaluation.  One cancer at a time is difficult enough but throw two together and any course of treatment is fraught with problems.  I expect to have a conference on Friday to be presented with treatment options. 

Please pray with me that we can decide on the best course of action or inaction. 

I am so grateful for all the people who are praying for me.  It brings a warmth and comfort that I never understood before.  Thank you all.

Pink Sutures

God is so wonderful; He allows us to see humor in even the darkest circumstances!

After my first facial surgery, Marianne, my 5 1/2 year old red-headed granddaughter, studied and studied my incision.  Her young eyes can evidently focus up close and personal.  She would get within a few inches of my face and really look it over.

After a few minutes of contemplation, she announced that she did not approve of the black sutures.  They simply did nothing for my skin.  The Dr. needed to use pink stitches so they would "camouflage" with my skin.  At first she thought about yellow but decided that would make me look orange (and she doesn't like orange).

She was quite disappointed after the second surgery last week when I came home with the same black stitches.  For any future surgeries I am to take some of Mommy's pink thread with me for the Dr. to use.

Plastic surgeons of the world take note.

Patience and Humility

Having your mouth sewn together teaches you a lot.

First, it takes a long time to get much nourishment through a straw!  And the food that will flow through a straw and is still palatable is pretty limited.  The Dr. keeps telling me to try not to lose much weight, but gee, it isn't easy.  I always knew these rolls of fat would come in handy sometime.

But even worse than the eating (if there is anything worse than not being able to eat a good juicy hamburger) is not being able to talk!  Three weeks without one good conversation may just do me in.  It is really hard to direct everyone's life with a legal pad and pen.  I'll just give everyone warning now--enjoy the peace and quiet because when these stitches come out...

So, Lord, I'm praying that I've learned this lesson about patience and humility and don't have to repeat it!

The photo is of my precious Texas granddaughter (1 1/2 years) who along with her Dad, Greg, came to visit me last week.

Words

In the past I have often hesitated to offer words or small acts of kindness to a person suffering a terminal illness because they seemed so inadequate and unworthy.  I have come to realize that those small words that may seem trite to the speaker are transformed by God into pearls.  They become golden lifelines to the child of God and lift up our spirit.  God is so gracious to use even the smallest things to ease our journey.

The photo is on top of the Waterpocket Fold in Capitol Reef National Park, Utah, late May 2010.  A rough jeep road and steep climb led to this spot which was beautiful but like a cold wind tunnel.  

Waving Goodbye

My 3 1/2 year old grandson, Warren Finch, is big into waves.  He insists on being 3 and a half and will correct anyone who fails to add the half.  His parents persist in calling him Finch, so I've taken on the task of reminding him that his name is "Warren".

Anyway, he loves to stand in their driveway and wave goodbye whenever we visit.  He waves and waves and wants to see waving in response.  He recently told me that he waves goodbye even after he can no longer see the car.

This struck me as how we leave this world; our loved ones wave goodbye even though they can no longer see us.  It is a comfort to know that they will be waving goodbye and then turning around and going on with life.

Cancer -- a short history

We have started on an uncharted journey for our family--dealing with CANCER.  It is still hard for me (Patricia) to say the words "I have cancer".  But it is true, and not one but two primary cancer tumors.

A brief history will catch us up-to-date while I can still remember the details.

From 1994-1998 I had several episodes and surgeries to remove pigmented, level skin spots on my left check which were classified as pre-melanoma cells.  I have been very diligent about avoiding sun exposure (I have a great sun hat collection) and have had no reoccurence until this summer.

While on a trip to Utah and Colorado this spring and summer, a skin-colored lesion appeared on my upper left lip.  In the one month before we returned to Huntsville, it grew and grew but still had no dark pigment. We were not overly concerned about the lesion because it looked nothing like my previous problem areas.   But my daughter was insistent and managed to get me an appointment with a local dermatologist in only 3 weeks instead of the usual 6 month "new patient" wait period.  August 27 appointment with Dr. M. alarmed us somewhat because she wouldn't biopsy it and referred us to a plastic surgeon.  Ten days later I had a consultation visit with Dr. D.  who scheduled surgery in his clinic in another ten days (September 20).

This first surgery was not too bad at all.  No hospital admissions and twilight anesthesic.  He did a great job even though he had to cut through the lip and stitch inside my mouth, etc.  The next day I was up cooking breakfast for house guests!  It took another 10 days to get the biopsy results because the local path lab sent the sample to California and additional dyes for measuring.

On Sept. 29 Dr. D. called with the Melanoma word.  Devastation was our immediate reaction. On Oct. 3, we met with Dr. D. and planned the next surgery and got appointment with a general surgeon, Dr. H., to remove sentinel lymph node at the same time.  The next day we met with Dr. H and he suggested a PET scan before proceeding to see if the melanoma had already spread.

On my birthday (Oct.7) I had a PET scan at a local hospital.  Dr. H. called with the results that evening and reported that it showed something in the colon.  He arranged for me to see a colo-rectal surgeon on Oct. 11.  Dr. C. performed a scope in his office and found and biopsied the tumor.  He made appointments with a radiation oncologist and medical oncologist two days later.  These were consulting visits and a firm plan of treatment will be developed after my resection surgery for melanoma and node testing.

On Oct. 20, I had node mapping at a local hospital.  Injecting the radioactive material in my cheek and lip was probably the worst things I've ever had done!  It felt like fire under my skin, but I survived and then went on to a surgery clinic for the resection.

More Tears

Last evening, October 21, 2010, the final blow fell.  Now is my time to walk the dark valley, but Praise the Lord I don't have to walk it alone.  I know that Jesus will be with me every step of the way.  This week I was reading in John of Mary's experience looking for Jesus's body in the Garden.  Before she recognized Jesus, he called her name! That spoke volumes to me  as  I felt Him calling my name and knew that He was calling me to come Home.  How my heart leaped with joy to leave the pain and sorrow of this world and to be with my Savior forever. 

But first I must grieve a while for the ones I am leaving behind.  What a true joy at the end on one's life to feel genuine love from my family and friends.  The things we take for granted are precious in their finality.  When Dr. H called this evening with the biopsy report of melanoma in the lymph node, our world crashed.  The hardest thing I've had to do was tell my children that there is little else to be done.  I am still just beginning to recover from the facial surgery of the 20th--two or three weeks until the stitches are removed from the flap on my mouth.  In the meantime, I'm wearing an awful, tight bandage and eating broth from a straw and soup with a baby spoon!  Some treatment will be required for the colon cancer to slow its progress, but just what is the easiest is yet to be decided.

We decided at the beginning of all this that when the treatments became futile we would stop them and enjoy our time instead of chasing down painful, useless roads.  With few options ahead, I think we have just about reached that point.

Tears

A good, old-fashioned cry was and still is at times the first order of business when I think of leaving my family.  I am truly not afraid to die, but it is very hard to burn to ashes the hopes of the future years with my darling husband,  children, and precious grandchildren.  But Jesus is leading me through this dark valley also and even when the tears come it is more for them than for me.

My family and friends could not have been more supportive and loving.  I have really learned to covet the prayers of Christians.  Knowing my name is being raised to God helps me desire to be in the center of His will--whether that is to be healed or called home.

Old Time Favorite Hymns

I love hymns--always have--always will.  I'm not knocking the new choruses, but you just can't beat the old hymns for meaningful words and melodies.

"Wherever He leads, I'll go" now has a new meaning for me.  With the new circumstances in my life, I have learned to appreciate the peace that comes with turning all things over to Him. No matter what I know He will lead me in the way I should go.